Wrestling With The Providence of God

“Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day.”
–Genesis 32:24, nkjv 

Whether we know it or not, or even want to admit it, at some point we all wrestle with God. I know I did. Even when becoming a believer. 

I was a young teen when I was first introduced to Jesus. Trying to wrap my head around who He is, I remember looking at the cross that hung above the baptistry in my church, doing my best to feel something, anything. But it wasn’t until an altar call one Sunday morning, that I stumbled forward, confessing to my pastor, “I’ve lost Jesus and can’t find Him anywhere,” that Jesus found me.

Jesus…found…me…. I am still surprised by that.

I was changed in an instant. Sabbath rest and peace filled the emptiness I had been struggling with for months. When Jesus became my Savior, I knew everything was going to be okay.

But being a teenager, I was too soon distracted from God. Lured away by wanting to be loved and accepted, I went down many wrong paths. 

Five years later, I found that the faith God had given me—which used to be strong—was now weak, tattered and torn. Buffeted by doubt and unbelief, I was terrified by the state of my heart.

But there was hope.
Because God is faithful.
And He is our Father.

As our Father, God disciplines us in loving sanctification that draws us out of the mire and muck we have gotten ourselves into. Jesus washing the disciples’ feet was a clear picture that sanctification is a part of every believer’s daily life. 

“Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, ‘Lord, are You washing my feet?’
Jesus answered and said to him, ‘What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.‘
 Peter said to Him, ‘You shall never wash my feet!’
Jesus answered him, ‘If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.’
Simon Peter said to Him, ‘Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!’
Jesus said to him, ‘He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean,…’”
John 13:6-10, nkjv

For someone like me who had not been walking with the Lord for years, the foot-washing was intense. I did not understand that it even had to happen. Like waving a magic wand, I wanted to say the same words I had uttered years ago and voilà, everything would suddenly be okay.  But the Lord in His Providence knew I had much to wrestle through. The build up of unknown and unconfessed sin was choking the very life out of me.

Where sin is, grace abounds, and God, in His mercy and forgiveness, walking before and behind me, constantly reassured me that I belonged to Him (John 17:12). The Lord’s love was always calling me back to Himself.

So let this be a letter of hope. If you are that person who is far away from God, you can come home. Or if you know someone who has stumbled and is no longer walking with the Lord, pray for them. Encourage them. Be salt and light to them. They too, can return.

None of us are Jacob, for he became Israel. (See Genesis 32:22-31.) But I do believe his story shows us that at some point—on many levels—we all wrestle with God. Whether we’ve been faithful and the wrestling match is light, or like me, completely muddied up and the struggle intense, the dross and pride in all our hearts is something that God—in His sovereignty, not to condemn us but to cleanse us—bubbles to the surface. For He is a consuming fire (Hebrews 12:29). And like the wounding He brought to Jacob, through the trials and tribulations that come to us, He brings deep healing. For it is here that we see we need Jesus. And Jesus is why we can stand in the Presence of God and live.

Heavenly Father, thank You so much for Your deep abiding love and forgiveness. When we are caught in sin, remind us, Lord, that we can come before Your throne of grace with any and everything that is in our hearts. Please bring to mind Your promises and protect us from the enemy who always lies to us telling us we are beyond Your redemption. Remind us that Your hand is not so short that it cannot save (Isaiah 59:1). And that nothing can separate us from Your love, (Romans 8:38,39).

 Thank You, Heavenly Father.
In Jesus name,
Amen 

In His love,
Kimberly

* Blog has been readapted from my original blog post  What Happens When We Wrestle With God, April 26, 2017.