Recently, I was asked to be part of a retreat that ministers to women in need. I loved that I was asked. I loved being in a ministry that has purpose. I loved the “thought” of following Jesus wherever He asked me to go. Until He did. Ask, that is.
The problem was that to join in, I would need to fly in Covid-infested waters from one city to another. I would need to leave a family member who is not in the best of health. I would need to leave my cozy home that is nestled in the big woods.
The reality of being “all-in” with whatever the Lord wanted me to do was that I was not. The sinful glare of “lip service” was painfully coming into focus.
In my head I had romantically declared I would follow the Lord anywhere, but when the rubber hit the road, I found all four of my tires were flat.
As bad as this predicament seems, I found myself actually excited. Two reasons:
- I was in the company of Jesus’ disciple, Peter, who had emphatically announced that no matter what, he would never deny Jesus. The heartbreak Peter felt—from the moment he turned his back on Jesus as Jesus was going to the cross—caused the shackles of pride and false bravado to begin to crack and fall away. Later, when Jesus forgave Peter, Peter’s heart was transformed into one that now loved and wholly belonged to the Lord.
- Through Peter’s experience, Jesus was showing me that even though the same sin was living in my heart, He also has for me the love and forgiveness He gave Peter.
The weeds of lip service—tied to pride, and arrogance—were the outward symptoms of what was wrong on a deeper level. When the Holy Spirit revealed the root of my sin, it was clear that my love for the Lord had grown cold.
It was frightening to find that was the state of my heart. The temptation to back peddle from it was huge. Living in denial was a choice that loomed in front of me. Joy, followed by a sigh of relief, filled my heart with peace when the Holy Spirit reminded me to just confess what He had dredged up and let Jesus wash my heart in His salve of forgiveness. Only then could healing begin.
I recently came across the song, Your Love Is Extravagant, by Casting Crowns. The lyrics and melody bless my heart because it is a tender prayer of love and praise for the Lord.
“Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that conquers sin
No greater love have I ever known
You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again.”
As the Lord draws me closer to Himself, I am finding He never leaves nor forsakes me, even in the lovely and ugly; when life makes sense and when it doesn’t; and especially when I stumble in my walk with Him. (See Hebrews 13:5.)
If I ask Him to let me see with the eyes of my heart, what He sees, the Lord’s trail of glory throughout my life comes to light. In each and every step of the way He has been with me.
All along.
And it is Good.
Beyond reckoning and measure.
As Casting Crowns wrote in His Love Is Extravagant, Jesus definitely is, “capturing my heart again.”
Jesus’ grace goes beyond our understanding. Mingled with His love and mercy, His grace is the lifeblood of our walk with Him. When on the cross, Jesus said, “It is finished,” He gave us the gift of salvation. Jesus IS all we need.
In His love,
Kimberly
