What Not to Do

Several years ago I felt God calling me to be a youth leader. This seemed odd to many because I was not in my 20s, 30s, 40s, or even my 50s, but was already partway into my 60s. 

Being young at heart—in my head I was still twenty-one—it was somewhat easy to go on a mission retreat, attempting to sleep in sleeping bags on the floor with a room full of teenage girls, zip lining, or painting an elderly woman’s house during the day. To be sure, it was exhausting, but this ministry was not a stretch for me. For my heart was to steer these young folks away from the same deceptive drift—I saw them leaning towards—that years ago had taken me so far from the Lord. Using my life as a road sign of what not to do, I simultaneously tried to point them to Jesus and the love He holds for all who come to Him.

The caveat that I fell into was that even though my compassionate words were filled with truth, I had lost sight that it was the Holy Spirit and not what I was saying that would turn those kids to the Lord. Taking on the burden that was not mine to bear, my prayers were focused on what I could do in my own strength. I had forgotten that it is the Lord who changes hearts. Not me.

Have you done that? Have you believed you are the only one who could step in and save the day? 

When the Holy Spirit tapped me on the shoulder to wake me from what I was doing, I realized that—as a Christian—it was as if I had been trying to go upstream without a paddle. Or, climb Mt. Everest wearing swim fins. Or, ice skate in high heels. You get my drift. How I was functioning didn’t make a bit of sense. 

I had to repent of trying to be God. 

The Lord has been transforming me ever since. It hasn’t happened overnight, but now if I even begin to think that I can fix what is wrong, I start to feel very uncomfortable. Instead of counting on my wisdom, the Lord reminds me to pray, asking for His counsel, His listening ears, His leading, and His Words. 

By the Lord’s grace, absolute surrender to Him is taking shape within my heart. I find that as the Lord is holding me up with “(His) thy free spirit,” (Psalm 51:12) kjv, to follow Jesus, relying on myself has taken more of a backseat than it ever did.

Do I allow Jesus to always shine through me? Sadly, no. More often than I would like to admit my selfish self rears its not so attractive head. The good news is that because I belong to the Lord, He is at work within me to cleanse my heart and renew my mind. (See Psalm 51:10, Philippians 2:13.)

The Lord’s joy has begun to permeate every cell of my being. Truly, His banner over me is love. 

If this is already your heart, then keep moving forward in the strength of the Lord. If not, turn to Jesus and ask Him to take over and draw you to Himself, bringing you into His Sabbath rest. 

“…This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ Says the Lord of hosts.”
Zechariah 4:6 nkjv

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your abundant grace. Thank You for loving me. Thank You that I can trust and rest in You.

In Jesus name,
Amen 

Kimberly