Have you ever seen the movie, Bruce Almighty? Jim Carrey plays the part of Bruce, a wanna-be news anchor, who for various and sundry reasons, blames God, that he is not. After listening to Bruce complain for a while, God, played by Morgan Freeman, comes to Bruce giving him the opportunity to be God.
For the most part—in spite of some offensive and uncomfortable scenes that I wish were on the editing floor—it’s a pretty funny movie with truth sprinkled throughout. Toward the end of it—the crowning moment of the film—when the character of Bruce comes to the conclusion that he no longer wants to be the captain of his soul, but instead wants God to be God, is where I want to shout out a resounding, “Yes!” For you see, I came to this place just a few years back.
One August morning I woke up to the crystal-clear, heart-shaking knowledge—that only the Lord can make one know—that I, not He, had been at the helm of my life. From the outside, the picture I had painted for all to see, looked pretty good, but the inside was a different story. Built with my own efforts of legalism and Phariseeism, my inner self, in trying to achieve that self-made holiness, was being eaten up by unexplainable anxiety. With the revelation the Lord gave me that morning, I started to cry, for just a few days earlier I had prayed these verses found in Psalm 139:23-24.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.” (NKJV)
Little did I know, the door I was opening would take me on the path of what it is to surrender to the Lord. An absolute surrender. A surrender with no terms.
Letting the Lord take control of my life was something I had wanted for quite a while. When in my twenties I was first introduced to the idea of it, in the book by Andrew Murray, Absolute Surrender, yielding to God sounded wonderful. Lovely, actually, because in truth, it is.
My initial response, Cool, Lord, I want to surrender to You. I want to put everything in the Your hands, so You can work out my life. Tweak me here and fine-tune me there. Here’s how I envision it happening.
Oh my goodness. Did you catch that? I was telling God how He should do His work. That is a dangerous mindset. What a shock when He didn’t follow my plans, fixing my life the way I thought He should. It shook me to the core.
God states up front, “My thoughts are not your thoughts. Neither are your ways, Mine.” (See Isaiah 55:8.) Why should I have been surprised then when the rosy path I was imagining didn’t look or feel that way at all? Truly, it was sometimes very painful. For God had to deconstruct those ivory towers I had built.
In human terms, the bottom line of surrender means defeat. Giving up. Arms held high with the white flag unfurled above. No bargaining chip. Nothing left to give. Empty of any notion that says, “I’ve got this.”
From God’s point of view, it is the best place for any of us to be.
When self knows it has nothing to offer to the Lord—when with our entire heart we say, “Not our will, Lord, but Yours be done,”—that is when He hands us victory. For it is there, that absolute surrender, as a result of God’s grace, begins to blossom and take shape in our hearts.
It has taken years for me to even begin to understand—with God’s goodness present every step of the way—that surrender, although immediate, is simultaneously an ongoing process. Through the painful and joyful. The heart-wrenching and the delightful. Iron sharpening iron, He is whittling away the ugly that is inside, to be the loveliness we were always meant to be.
Heavenly Father, please work in my heart to live and walk humbly before You. Please work in me to love You more. For it is only by Your grace, that I can do anything. Thank You for Your love, grace, and mercy. In Jesus name. Amen
Kimberly
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” -Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
