Have you ever read something or heard something, so many times, that like elevator music it washes over your consciousness without you ever being aware it was there to begin with? That happens to me more often than I would like to count. Especially when it comes to reading the tried and true Bible stories of old. David and Goliath. Adam and Eve. The Prodigal Son. Even Jesus feeding thousands with a few loaves of bread and some salted sardines. Like an overly-edited picture of a waterfall where the water appears seamless as it flows over boulders and rocks, those words often are skimmed over, their meaning, becoming adrift in the wash.
Sometimes though, like a mysterious melody that entices you to listen, those words invite you to come closer. For me, one passage from the Bible that has drawn me for years is Jeremiah 29:13. “You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”
Being the recovering, paralyzed Christian I was, and newly coming to love words the way I do, I knew that verse held a depth not yet discovered. Much like a child trying to find what’s hidden inside a present before it’s opened, I found myself poking my way around, pulling at a phrase like a piece of ribbon here, looking in a small opening, there.
Wanting desperately to apply myself to a “whole-hearted” search, my quest began. Starting off in the best way I knew how, I did, as many do, by “putting my nose to the grindstone.” Of course that meant an application of my will. “I will seek the Lord with my whole heart. I will. I will. I will.” In any way I could, I tried to wrap my arms around all of my heart to cause it to seek after God. But because it was not a matter of grit, self-discipline, or resolve, I found the only outcome in coming up to the grinding stone with my self-imposed resolve was the pain of not making any headway.
We don’t mean to end up tangled in our self righteous fixes, but I think many of us find ourselves in that place. It wasn’t until the other day though, as I was driving down the road on March 7th—I had Siri notate it—that I had any inkling of an understanding. “Seek Him with all of your heart, means not of willpower, but of surrender; a giving over of ALL your heart.”
Like water after a heavy rain that begins to seep into the cracks and crevices of rocks, the words of that verse—softening and breaking apart my heart—began as never before, to take on fresh meaning. It was at that moment I began to understand:
That’s why God wants a broken and contrite heart. It’s not that He wants to crush or shatter us, but by breaking our hearts open, He can pour into us what He has for us. He pours into us His love. He knows it is the only way we will find Him. Or to shine the light from a different perspective, it’s the only way we will let Him find us. James 4:10 tells us to “humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He, not myself (emphasis mine), will lift you up.”
That’s why God tells us in Deuteronomy 6:5, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. It’s only because of His love for us and in us, that we will seek Him with our whole heart.
That’s why Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-29, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” The Lord gives us what we long for. “He makes us lie down by the waters of rest.” Psalm 23: 2 [as footnoted in the ESV]
When we come to grips that only He can change our heart; that only He can cause us to love Him; that only He can place His yoke of rest and peace upon us, it is in brokenness that we surrender and let Him be our Savior.
Everything the Lord allows to happen, or, in fact, does, is out of His deep abiding love for us. When we are bewildered, feeling lost, when understanding has left us asking why, or when we are worn out by coming nose-to-nose with that grinding stone, His faith and faithfulness steps in.
“Lord, Jesus. Please work surrender into my heart. I know I cannot even do that on my own. Help me, Lord. I commit my way unto You. In Jesus name. Thank You. Amen”
Kimberly
