Well, it has begun. The construction of the new elementary school—the one I thought that could cast a huge shadow on my husband, Jerry’s, and my hopes—is now rumbling forward in full tilt. Daily from sunup to sunset, the big-boy toys push dirt from one side of the landscape to the other, making a hill one day, only to dig away at it the next. And yet, as I witness what once was a sweet-scented hayfield now being compressed into the foundation of what will be, I marvel at the lovely precision of change. And I am thankful for how the Lord has tenderly guided Jerry and me toward it. And now through it.
None of us really like change and don’t often embrace it with arms wide-open, but for those of us who have lived long enough, we can attest that it is always at the door, ready to step in. If it is insignificant—like my beautiful vista being run over by a school—it can make you wince, wishing for what was, but when it matters—like grave illness or the loss of a loved one—the shattering of your heart feels as if it will crush you, ushering in burdens of isolation and loneliness.
Job, from the Bible, has been there. I would venture to say most of us have.
Widowed at the age of forty-six with two teenagers to guide into adulthood, and a ten-year-old to raise, I remember wanting to make life, “normal,” like it used to be. During those immediate days following the loss of my first husband, God’s palpable Presence was with me. Held in the comforting arms of family and friends, it was as if He was there guiding and directing me into what was next. And truly, He was. And IS.
God in His mercy is continually teaching me three things.
- Every. Single. Thing… on this earth, changes. Only the Lord stays the same.
- Nothing happens to us that is a surprise to Him. For He is sovereign.
- As we face each day, God is with us every step of the way.
We are never out of God’s heart or mind. God knew exactly what He was doing when He allowed Satan to wreak havoc in Job’s life. And what He was doing when He took my late husband to be with Him. And what He is doing today, in each of our lives. Even when what we are facing makes us feel as if we are drowning.
One thing I know. Everything God does is out of love for us. He tells us in Isaiah 57:1 NLT:
“Good people pass away;
the godly often die before their time.
But no one seems to care or wonder why.
No one seems to understand
that God is protecting them from the evil to come.”
Even so, the hurt can run deep and in those times, the heaviness of hopelessness, makes us feel that lifting our eyes toward heaven is almost impossible.
But the Lord tells us, “when we are too weak to have any faith left, He remains faithful to us and will help us, for He cannot disown us who are part of himself, and He will always carry out his promises to us.” (2 Timothy 2:13 LB) So, we find it is not so much that we are clinging to Him, but that He is holding onto us.
Firmly.
Never letting go.
In what doesn’t really matter—like the building of a schoolhouse—to that which breaks our hearts, He, not ourselves, is our refuge and strength. God yearns for us to lean into Him.
With so much love,
Especially to those who have suffered great loss,
Kimberly
“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 TLV
