Recently, in the wee hours one morning, I reached an impasse. While the rest of the world was asleep, my mind began to wrestle and churn with something I had been dealing with for months but could not seem to overcome. It doesn’t matter what it was, because all of us have—at the very least—one struggle within, that always seems to get the upper hand no matter what we try or do.
When I finally gave up the fight for more sleep and threw myself out of bed at 2AM, the Lord revealed to me that it was not the seemingly unrelenting challenge that was the problem; what was wrong went much deeper. It only took a few minutes for Him to show me that what I was powerless to be rid of, was a dominating pride and a hardened heart.
The truth of the matter was that I wanted to conquer—all by myself—what it was I had been struggling against. When the Lord began to peel away the symptoms to get to the cause, me fighting against Him was at the root. And that was where I had to start. With not one thing to offer, I laid bare my confession.
Lord, I can’t even come to You with any semblance of a surrendered heart. It is nowhere close to being within my reach. I can only stumble forward, empty, with absolutely nothing to give. Please forgive me of sick pride and an attitude that says, “I’ve got this.”
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but it is NOT me that is doing the work. It is Jesus in me, causing me to will and to do Your good pleasure. I know it with my head and my heart. I just seem to lose sight of it. Please change me.
Jesus doesn’t bring any of us to this point to condemn or break us. Sometimes though, His tough love is what it takes to rescue us from that which holds His saving grace an arm’s length away. As a father lovingly looks at his child, desiring only what is best, our Heavenly Father holds us—His sons and daughters—with the same tender care.
What I am beginning to grasp—even though I have said it many times—is Jesus in me is my ONLY hope of glory. The truth that it is not about me, but about Him, is the amazing Good News of the Gospel! Jesus is our rock and our salvation. Not us. In childlike faith, all we can do is run and hide in the cleft of the rock that is Him!
So here is the prayer that is now taking shape in my heart.
Jesus, You live inside of me. Be the strength I need.
Jesus, You live inside of me. Be my faith. Be my forgiveness and love.
Jesus, You live inside of me.
Please have free reign of my heart.
Circumcise the hard places within and fill me with Yourself. And in that, with Your love. Dredge out the darkness that tries to hide and know me completely, Lord.
Know me completely.
In Your Name with so much thanksgiving!
Amen
Kimberly
So much wisdom. So much grace. This touches me deeply. As a newborn baby gazes into his father’s eyes, may we continually gaze into our Father’s eyes, knowing He loves us just as we are…but longs to change us into His perfect image.l
Words of such wisdom! Lord help us to be the best followers we can be as we all struggle with these same issues🙏